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Suicidal Thoughts...

2003-11-19 @ 5:48 p.m.

I don't know what it is...but, for some reason I feel myself fighting with myself because I am just feeling so suicidal today. I haven't felt this way in a very very long time yet for some reason I do today.

I feel that there is no meaning for me to be alive. I just want to go and hide in the closet or in a dark tiny place where no one would ever find me and just cry. Cry till I can't cry anymore. There's so much going on in my life that I feel like I'm losing control. I just feel so worthless right now, I can't explain why I feel this way, but, I do. I just feel that I have no purpose to be alive. Why am I here? I feel empty and I feel alone. Yet, I feel that I don't want anyone near me either, but, I know that isn't helping me much.

I feel so trapped in everything going on that I don't know what to do. **sigh** This sux ass feeling this way. I just feel that there's no purpose to my life. Yet I'm doing my best to fight this struggle of suicide thoughts going through my head. There's no reason for me to feel or think this way but I do. I hate having depression, I really do. I wish I knew where the happy part of me has gone...I hope I find her soon.