2004-01-05 @ 7:24 p.m.
Today, as hard as it was, I took Holleigh's pictures down from my desk at work. It wasn't an easy task. I really didn't want to do it. But, when I see Holleigh, I think about Paul, and when I think about Paul, I start missing them, us and everything we did together. Then, I start remembering the bad things and when he hit me and it just makes me break down. It's like a cycle where I can't find the opening too, so, my best bet is to put it all away. Tonight I remembered that I didn't put away the teddy bear that Paul gave me for my birthday one year and so, I had to put him away too. **sigh**
Since then new year, I have been catching up on sleep, getting sick to my stomach, headaches that have literally made me sick, (I won't be graphic) and now I think I have a bladder infection. My side had been hurting since Friday, and I've been using the bathroom like crazy. And it still hurts on my side...hmmm...maybe it's a sign that I should go and see my doctor. But, I just hate going to doctors. I've seen so many when I was sick with my Endometriosis I'm just tired of them. But, other things have been going on that is unusual, so, I probably should make an appointment. My yearly physical is coming up soon. Which reminds me, I need to call tomorrow to set up that appointment. It's probably just because I had been under so much stress, but, then again...it may not. I'm hoping that I don't have cancer considering some of the symptoms that I am having is the same as my aunt's right before hers was discovered. I already have had so much going on and things in my head that I can't seem to clear up or fix, that this would be the last thing that I would want.
Anyway, enough of that. I'm just gonna end up worrying myself to death, and I don't want to do that.
Today is Dan's birthday, I tried calling him, but, I know he's with his mom so I just left him a message on his answering machine rather than calling him on his cell and sent him an e-card. Last year I gave him a little surprise birthday party. It was fun, he definitely wasn't expecting that last year. He's only 51 days older than I am...hehe.
Anyway, I'm just ranting away now...so, have a good one, will write again soon.
Blessed Be!
~V~
