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Shitty Weekend...

2004-05-09 @ 10:16 p.m.

This weekend sucked. The only good thing is that Dan and I spent the weekend together. But, Dan did get sick last night unfortunately. Poor thing.

Matt got pissed and yelled at me because Dan was asleep and we didn't want to go to Red & Jerry's. I wasn't too happy about that. And neither was Dan. Matt yelling at me was completely uncalled for.

And today, Mother's mother isn't talking to me still. Dad said that she listened to my message when I called to wish her a happy mother's day. She listened as I was leaving it. She refused to pick up the phone. Dad says that he's working on her to chill out with me, but I honestly don't think that her and I will be talking for a while. It really hurt my feelings. But there's nothing that I can do. Tomorrow while she is at work I will be leaving her a message to not worry about me calling anymore and that I'm sorry and how much I'm a fuck up to her and that I won't be calling to bother her anymore. Apparently this is what she wants. This is why I moved to Colorado, her and I never got along and things were getting better after I moved here but because of me being a fuck up in her eyes, I can never do things right so it's best that I just don't bother her anymore. So tomorrow I will leave her the message telling her I love her and I'm sorry that I am so messed up and that she could never understand me and that I won't be calling anymore.

I just can't take this anymore the way that she does this to me. I'm 35 years old, and yes I make mistakes yet she still treats me like a child and I will admit, I'm very intimidated and frightened of her because of everything that she has done to me in my life. But I still love her, she's my mom, my only mom and I'm her only daughter but she has always disliked me and I know that this will continue no matter what I do in my life. In her eyes I'm a big mistake. Dan wasn't too happy that my mother is ignoring me and he saw me break down and cry today because of my mother.

Well, it's getting late and I have to get up early. If anyone has any suggestions, I'm open to them. But, I know that its difficult to make suggestions when it's difficult for me to even explain the way my mother treats me. Blessed Be!!

Much Love~