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Memories from the Past...

Friday, Feb. 18, 2005 @ 2:17 p.m.

OMG!!! I went downstairs to have a smoke this afternoon and this guy came up to me to borrow my lighter, he was in uniform (Army solid greens **sigh**) Iím a sucker for uniforms, lolÖanyway, he looked familiar and I looked at his name badge and I asked him if I knew him because he looked familiar to me and he said that I did too, so I asked him if his first name was Chad and he said yes, and asked if he ever lived in Montana and he said yes, his dad was stationed there, anyway, we got to talking....people, it was my first love-my first real boyfriend Chad Morgan, the one that he and I had planned out our future together and everything!!!! We were both shocked. He's just here as security on the streets for the NBA all-star thing going on here downtown this weekend.

He said that he thought I looked familiar when I came out of the building that's why he came up to me to borrow a lighter, actually he followed me when I walked around the building. You would not believe how much my heart is thumping right now. He still looks good **sigh**. He's stationed in California and just here for the weekend, unfortunately he won't have any time at all to meet up and catch up but we gave each other a hug and kiss and said our good byes once again. When will we meet again? I donít know.

We started chatting about our relationship that we had and did a little bit of catching up, he's married now, and I told him how I was married to Sean (he had met Sean briefly once) and how we divorced and he was pretty shocked to hear that because he knows how I don't believe in divorce but I told him it had to happen, I briefly told him what happened and told him that I'm with Dan now and that Dan treats me well. But OMG!!!! You know how shocked I was?!?!?! I told him that I thought that I would never see him again and he said the same thing and he said that he still thinks about me once in a while and I told him I do too and how we had such a great relationship but his step mom interfered. Anyway, I am still shaking!!!! He was saying that he's glad that we ran into each other, it's been since we were in 9th grade when we last saw each other because his dad got stationed in New Mexico so they had moved. Ugh, I'm just shaking like crazy!!!! Lol

It was weird yet pretty cool at the same time....never ever in my life did I think that I would ever see him's wild. I guess it was a sign that we just needed to see that we were both ok considering that all these years we both still think about each other. I didnít get his e-mail or anything from him. I thought about it up until he said that he was married. I honestly think that itís best this way that we donít have any contact information for each other. We had our life together once, and now we each have our own lives apart. It's the one thing in my past that I cherish so deeply and I want to keep it that way and just lock it away forever deep within my heart and just hold on to the memories. That was the first time I was ever in love and the first time my heart truly broke, that was when my walls went up when it came to love, ya know. I just really think that it's best this way....

When we broke up it wasn't anything that either of us wanted. His step mom was prejudiced and caused complications in our relationship because of me being Filipino (Seanís parents were the same way believe it or not) and since we were only 13 at the time we couldn't just quite run away, we tried, believe me we ran away but were found the same day. And that ended up making things worse. His dad loved me; it was his step mom (grrrr)....that didnít like me. She even made a point to talk to my mom once to tell her that Chad and I shouldnít be together and she said these horrible things about me and my mother kicked her out of our house, and of course that didnít help make things any better for Chad and I. My parents loved Chad too. Chad and Dan are the only two guys that my parents love out of all the guys Iíve ever been with.

Chad and I had our whole future planned out; when we were going to get married, how many kids we wanted, what military branch we were going to join and what we wanted to do...everything. We were together for 2 1/2 years. We were inseparable, all of our friends were jealous of us because of how close Chad and I was. When we met I was going out with someone else and I had broken up with him to go out with Chad. When I first spoke to Chad on the phone I was absolutely speechless and I asked my friend Cassie what I should say (Chad hearing all of this on the other end of the phone) and she told me ďtry saying hiĒ and thatís what broke the ice, we met up that night at the Youth Center (we lived on the military base and we were volunteer workers there at the Youth Center as well, it was the main hang out at the time for us) and well things just hit it off right there and we clicked the moment we said hi to each other on the phone and just fell head over heels for each other the moment we saw each other. He and I were madly in love with each other, and when our relationship was ruined that was the time when I put my walls up so high because I never wanted to get hurt like that again in my life or ever fall in love again. I didn't even love my x-husband as much as I did Chad until I met Paul. That's when I slowly started bringing my walls down then they went back up when Paul and I split because I was so hurt by him. And now that I am with Dan my walls are slowly coming down again and I pray that I never have to ever put them back up again. Blessed Be!!

Much Love~