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Fucked Up!!!

2004-11-23 @ 10:42 a.m.

One year ago today and my grandmother passed away. It doesnít seem like itís been a year now. November 10th was a year that my cousin passed away and today is my grandmother the next one will be my grandfatherís one year on February 15th.

I wonder if this explains why Iíve been so emotional as well. I mean, the crap going on with my parents right now of them proving to me that money means more to them than anything, (which tomorrow is their 36th wedding anniversary) and the one year anniversary of the recent deaths in our family all arriving and soon approaching as well.

Life events happen for a reason. This time last year, my parents werenít talking to my grandparents due to money issues among other things and so no amends were made. I donít want things like that to happen with things that are going on with my parents. Granted, my parents are in good health so no worries there, but we arenítí talking due to money issues among other things. Itís just crazy. I know my aunt is having a really hard time right now; she took the next two weeks off from work not only because of the holiday but also because of the deaths in our family. Especially with Grandmaís since hers came so sudden and unexpected. I wish I could have taken the next two weeks off as well.

Tonight Iíll be doing my Rosaries for my cousin and grandparents since it is a year now. I really miss my grandmother. When things get like this between my mother and I my grandmother was always there for me to talk to me about all of the things that go on with my mom and I and has always let me be me and let me truly express how I feel. And now she isnít here. But deep down I know that she will help me be strong through all of this and show me the way to deal with it all. I just have to listen.

Now, I know I have a fucked up familyÖI just went to call my aunt in Florida and my cousin basically freaked and said that he doesnít have a cousin and his girlfriend was on the phone and was saying to quit calling her manís phone! How immature is that? Since my cousin Danny called me last week and his girlfriend answered and my cousin was saying that he didn't have a cousin and he knew that it was me and then she was saying "don't call my man's phone again" I said look, for one, it's not his phone it's my father's and my aunts and if he wants to do this then I will just have the phone disconnected and then she kept saying that he said he doesn't know me and that he got all ticked off and that I pissed him off then she said if you're his cousin then why is your number coming up private and I said because I'm calling from work and then she said she would go to the phone company and remove my dad's name and I told her that she can't w/out his approval and I told her don't play games with me and tell Danny he better not be playing games with me either and that she better let me talk to my aunt and she said that I have no aunt, and I said "listen bitch, you don't let me talk to my family you guys won't have a phone to talk to any of our family and I was so ticked I hung up, called dad and told him what happened and he said that he spoke to my aunt yesterday so I called my aunt's phone again w/my cell and the chick answered again and I told her look, I just spoke to you and if you see my number is on that phone, I want to talk to my aunt and I want to talk to her NOW!!! And she said that my aunt went to do some errands and so I told her let me talk to Danny and she said that he stormed out of the house so I told her to tell my aunt to call me and she said ok. Man, I have a fucked up family.... Iím sick of this shit!!!!

Apparently this is a game that the whole family wants to play, let the games begin because in all honesty, I donít need this shit at all. This is just crazy! My dad wasnít too happy after I told him the events that just took place, heíll be calling my aunt today as well. I donít know what the hell is going on, and I donít know if I even want to know what the hell is going on. But I am so pissed right now itís not even funny!!! All this immaturity in this family is a bunch of bullshit.

And of course you could tell on the phone that my dad didnít want to talk to me. He called yesterday to see about me getting a hold of my aunt and told him all the info is here at work and not once did he ask about the surgery and I asked what mom said about it and she just said ďoh wellĒ. I didnít even tell him about the complications or anything, I had to hurry up and get off the phone because I was in tears.

And now, I think I just ripped my stitches. I moved my arm and I felt a sharp rip in my arm. Now my hand is starting to swell again. UghÖ. What the hell is going to happen next??? Blessed Be!

Much Love~