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Feelings of confusion

2003-12-08 @ 6:15 p.m.

I don't know what's wrong with me lately. I don't know if it's the mourning of my grandmother and my cousin but, I just feel, well...ugh, it's so hard to describe this feeling. I feel so isolated and it seems as if everything has changed around me, yet like things aren't moving the way that it's supposed to or the way I want it too.

I feel lonely, yet I want to be alone. I feel sad, but, yet miserable. When I feel like my spirits are lifting, something happens and I fall back down. I want to get things done, yet I feel like I don't have the motivation or just the heart to do the things. I just really don't know what is going on in my head and in my heart right now.

I do have to admit that I am missing Paul and Holleigh so damn much! Whenever I go window shopping to figure out what I should get for Christmas for some people all I think about is Paul and Holleigh. Holliegh would have so much to open on Christmas cuz Paul and I would just find so much for her...***sigh*** I hate the holidays, it's so depressing.

Hopefully soon I'll get over these feelings of confusion soon. It's probably just because so much has been going on in my life lately.

Right now we have a nasty snow storm going on, it's pretty icky out...the perfect night to just curl up under the covers, have some hot chocolate and just watch a movie. Especially after walking in the snow downtown after work. I decided to walk to the main station rather than taking the shuttle and just enjoying the snow falling on me and getting covered in snow from head to toe. It helps me to be in my own world, makes me feel like I'm in my own snow globe.

Time to go make some hot chocolate and just curl up.

Blessed Be!!