input, textarea { background: #FFFFFF; font-family: verdana; font-size:8pt; color:#E20500; border-style: solid; border-color: red; text-transform:lowercase; border-width:1 }
My Saturday Class

2003-08-09 @ 5:50 p.m.

What an interesting day. I had to get up early to go to a "financial" class, which actually wasn't too bad. I actually realized a few things about myself and I've decided, it's time to make some changes. Starting of course with my money issues. That will be my first goal, to get this mess all straightened out. This is going to be such a difficult task considering I am such a compulsive spender. Wow, first time I finally admitted, I'm a compulsive spender!!! And all it does is put me in constant debt. It's time that I change that, this will become my new challenge! First step, create a budget for myself. That is a DEFINITE must!!! I have quicken, but, I never use it. I really should get it back installed in my system and do that but, I seem to always forget that it's in there and I always just "eh, I'll do it later" then I forget. I figure if I put it on paper and have it sit where I see it all the time, maybe that will make a difference and then eventually work my way back to doing it on the computer again. If anyone has any better suggestions, please let me know! I'm open to any wonderful ideas! I HAVE TO quit this compulsive spending!!! And it's horrible when I'm in a depressive state of mind because I go shopping, even when I know that I don't have the money or can't afford it. I'm horrible with money, and I really do need to change that.

On another note, there was a guy in my class, his name is Jackson...OMG!!! HOT! HOT! HOT! We chatted for a little bit during break, and we kept looking at each other during class, but, of course nothing came out of it, we were both too shy. ugh!!! Then, you know there is always that one particular person that HAS TO BE the annoying one, and OMG, very very annoying!!! And the whole class knew it too.

Anyway, that's where my wonderful Saturday went, but, hey, I finally got it out of the way. It was a mandatory thing that I had no choice but to go. But, at least I had something very nice to look at...Jackson! :o)

As you've probably read in a few of my recent entries that I've been sick literally sick to my stomach now for about three weeks. Well, when I spoke to my mom about 3 days ago, it was when I was feeling my worse, and well, of course I'm so stubborn and independant that I don't want her worrying about me, or anyone else really. I've always been that way and my friends, especially Jenn hates the fact that I am like that. I know that she worries about me all the time and thank goodness understands how stubborn I can be. Anyway, mom calls me like 5 times today, and I couldn't answer the phone because I was in class. On my last break I called her and she was just crying because she couldn't get a hold of me because the last time she spoke to me I was really sick. Well, I was pretty shocked when she asked if it was really my stomach or if I tried killing myself again because of being under so much stress. "NO MOM! Don't even think that because I made a promise!" I'm stronger than what I used to be. I can't say that it doesn't cross my mind, because it still does. And when it does, it takes me a while to talk myself out of it. That's the hardest part of living alone with no roomies or boyfriend or whatever is when I get in that frame of mind I think "well, I'm here alone, who's gonna know?" and I keep telling myself, I will, I'll know and eventually everyone else will know. Then I think about mom, she's said some cruel things to me in my life, but, I know that deep down she would probably lose it if I ever succeeded and I know my dad wouldn't be able to handle it either. I'm the baby, and I'm daddy's girl, and I think that's what keeps me going is my parents. They are my inspiration, and I've learned that the things that were done to me in my life, that they happened for a reason and has made me the strong person that I am today. I've even thanked my parents for being strict with my brother and I because of our parents we are who we are today. Anyway, I was just shocked that she would even think that anymore. Well, I've gabbed enough for the day. I'm off to review some diaries.

Ciao for now babes!!!

Blessed Be!