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Baby Steps

2003-07-07 @ 11:23 p.m.

Well, I go back to work tomorrow. I had Friday off for the 4th, and took today off as vacation and everyone knows how much I hate Mondays!!! :o) Anyway, it's back to work tomorrow, I actually got a lot done around the house these 4 days that I have had off, I still have a couple of things, but, not too major so, I'm not too worried about it.

Today I was chatting with my best friend Rue and we were talking about the "shit or get off the pot" deal...and well, in a matter of words, I'm getting off the pot...LOL. After my last couple of entries, and having these 4 days off helped me do a lot of thinking...and well...it's ABSOLUTELY time to say good-bye to Paul...I'm done...no more ands, ifs or buts! I'm ready to let go...I'm done playing head games with him since he can't "shit or get off the pot". Adios baby, I'm done for good...no more dealing with him going in and out of my life and letting him making me feel this way. He has ALWAYS managed to make me feel miserable because he is feeling miserable...I'm not letting him do that to me anymore. I'm moving on...time for me to start over again...I have to...I hate dealing with the hurt of this broken heart and I'm not gonna deal with it anymore...I'm shutting the door and throwing away the key.

Speaking of moving on. I've been chatting with this guy all weekend online and we've gotten along very well. And I feel comfortable talking to him. So, we'll see how it goes.

Rue pointed something out to me today when I was talking with her today...and really made me think. She said..."you shouldn't push people away, you never know what you could be missing." And she's right. I mean, I've known this all along and I guess it just takes someone to say it to me, for me to hear it out loud. Don't get me wrong, the guy that I have been talking too, I'm not pushing him away at all. Rue just knows me too well about how I don't let people close to me unless I am very comfortable with them which usually takes me a while.

As I told Rue today, I'm comfortable talking to him. And I have to take that first step of moving on...soooo, I guess you could say that he showed up at the right time. lol

Right now, I feel that with anything, I have to take baby steps...considering I'm still in the "healing" stage, and that's what I'm going to do. Take what life is giving me...may be baby steps for me, but, I do believe that in life, things happen the way that they are supposed to.

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I want to share with everyone a couple of poems of mine that I had written a few years ago and published a little over a year ago.

Mirrors

Two brown eyes

filled with pain

stare unrelentingly at me.

Their deep color

camouflages the questions

that beg for answers.

A knock at the door

rattles me back to reality.

Two brown eyes

filled with pain -BLINK-

Wiping out any sort of emotions

they might reveal...

Turning around.

A smile forms on my lips.

I open the door,

leaving the truthful mirror behind...

Beginning my charade.

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The Past...

I'm only human,

I'm capable of doing wrong.

But I have to remember,

The past is long gone.

What's done is done,

Now it's too late.

Everything that had happened

Is because of fate.

The past pains will be over,

But I don't know when.

But at least I know,

What not to do again.

Let's go on with our living,

The past is now behind.

If you want to remember,

It's all in the back of your mind.

We can turn the clock back,

And even if we could.

You know deep down inside,

It wouldn't do us any good.

Maria Clement

Copyright ©2001 ©2003 Maria Clement

Blessed Be Everyone!!!

~Victorianna~


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