2003-09-14 @ 11:40 p.m.
In about 17 minutes it will be September 15. One year ago my favorite aunt who also is and always will be my 2nd mom passed away. It hasn't been the same since she left. I have been having such a hard time with it since it happened, and I have been able to keep that to myself and not let anyone see. It's not easy, and it's just different calling there to my aunt's house and knowing that I will never hear her voice again. I miss her so very much, I truly wish that she was still here with us. I have to make sure that I call my mother tomorrow...my aunt is her baby sister and my mom is there in Texas with the family for our one year Rosary of my aunt's death. It's really hard for me to be here and not there in Texas with my mom to be there for her. I know that my cousins and my aunts and uncles there will take care of her, but, I'm supposed to be there. It's not right that I am not there. When I told mom that I wasn't going to make it, she told me that it's ok and that my aunt will understand. But, to me, it's not ok, I'm supposed to be there.
Everyone says that I look so identical to my aunt. Whenever my mom sees me, she cries because she sees her sister in me. My aunt and I are so alike as well as me looking like her. I know that tomorrow is going to be a really tough day for me, and I wish I didn't have to go to work, but, I have too. Tomorrow will be a day that I have to be alone and do my Rosary when I wake in the morning and when I come home after work and before I go to bed. Everyone will be going to the cemetary tomorrow and I wish that I was there with them but, I know that I can't be physically but, emotionally I will.
My aunt was a wonderful and beautiful lady. So much different than my mother in regards to the way they look at the world. My mother is 9 years older than my aunt. There has always been so much that I can talk to my aunt about, things that I couldn't with my mother, my mom is one that some things are best left unsaid, for her benefit considering she worries too much. My aunt, I have always been able to tell her anything, no matter what. Both her and my mom have always given me wonderful advice, but, on alot of things it was my aunt who was always the understanding one. Her and my mother were the best of friends and I know that my mother feels so lost without her. We all do.
I miss her so very much. I just wish that I was able to spend more time with her. Whenever I go back to Texas it isn't the same because she isn't there. Her and I are just so much alike and forever she will be a part of me no matter what.
Well, it's late and I have to get up in 5 hours, it's now one year ago that she's gone and it doesn't even seem like it's been a year already.
Night...Blessed Be!!
~V~
