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I am so Amazed & Inspired.

2004-03-26 @ 2:28 p.m.

Tonight I will see Dan. Iím so excited. Iím still amazed by him. Iím sitting here working away and constantly thinking about Dan. I find myself thinking about him all the time. At the moment my nose is tickling me, and when that happens someone is always thinking about me, is he thinking about me too?

Dan calls me at 11 last night to let me know he made it home ok. Heís as tired as I was with very little time to sleep the night before and a long day of work ahead, we discussed what our Friday evening will be. What he has to do for a couple of hours before coming to see me. Then, later today, well, this evening we will decide what we want to do.

When we were together the other night, he stopped momentarily looking down at me and just looking deep into my eyes. I look back and I ask if he was ok, he says yes with the most beautiful smile and leans down and kisses me passionately. I wish I knew what he was thinking at the moment. Was he thinking the same as I was (which I wonít mention at this time because sometimes I myself donít understand it)? We have a connection, a special bond with each other that is difficult to explain in writing. Itís like only he and I know this. When weíre together itís like thereís no one else in the world but he and I. Iím just so amazed by us. And the only thing I can think of for the words is from the country song Amazed. I mean, I canít say the I Love You part of the song, but the rest of it. Itís just how I feel. I know some of it may be far fetched so early in the relationship, but I just canít find the right words at the moment besides this song.

Every time our eyes meet

This feeling inside me

Is almost more than I can take

Baby when you touch me

I can feel how much you love me

And it just blows me away

I've never been this close to anyone or anything

I can hear your thoughts

I can see your dreams

I don't know how you do what you do

I'm so in love with you

It just keeps getting better

I wanna spend the rest of my life

With you by my side

Forever and ever

Every little thing that you do

Baby I'm amazed by you

The smell of your skin

The taste of your kiss

The way you whisper in the dark

Your hair all around me

Baby you surround me

You touch every place in my heart

Oh it feels like the first time every time

I wanna spend the whole night in your eyes

I don't know how you do what you do

I'm so in love with you

It just keeps getting better

I wanna spend the rest of my life

With you by my side

Forever and ever

Every little thing that you do

Baby I'm amazed by you

Every little thing that you do

I'm so in love with you

It just keeps getting better

I wanna spend the rest of my life

With you by my side

Forever and ever

Every little thing that you do

Oh, every little thing that you do

Baby I'm amazed by you.

Lyrics by Lonestar

I hardly think, well really DONíT think about Paul anymore. My mind has been filled with Dan on my thoughts. I no longer cry myself to sleep missing Paul. As I mentioned before, heís starting to become a memory and a closed book of my life. And it feels good to be happy again. Hereís something ironicÖI play my music that I have in my media player as random, and always, always the song Trouble by Coldplay plays when I used to miss PaulÖsince Iíve met Dan, that song has not played once. Is there a possibility that my grandparents sent Dan my way? I donít know, but I do think about that sometimes. My grandmother always knows how I feel deep down. How lonely and hurt I was for Paul breaking my heart. I was always able to tell her anything, and now, she is no longer here, my grandfather following not too long after, I miss them both, and I wonder, I truly wonder if they sent Dan to me to make me happy. I was visiting my landlord Linda the other day to get some things from her that she had for me and she looked at me and said that she has not seen me this happy in the years that she has known me. I give all that credit to Dan. Thank you baby.

Thanks to Dan, my heart is healing, the pain of being hurt is fading, the tears have dissolved, my self-esteem has risen, I smile more now than I have in the last 3 years. I no longer put up a front just so that no one knows how I really feel. My happiness is real, it truly and deeply real. And I donít recall that I ever felt like this when I was with Paul to be honest. I told Dan some things about the relationship about Paul and I, he couldnít believe that I stayed in the relationship as long as I did because itís so obvious that he used me. I was just blind to see it. And Jenn always tried to open my eyes about it, and I just didnít want to see it. I honestly think that the reason Paul walked into my life was to teach me how to love and teach me how to heal from a broken heart. I have never let anyone near me and I think Paul was just a lesson in disguise for me. Because now, I know how to love someone and have learn to find what I truly want in my mate. I know how to see signs of things that I donít want in a mate. And as we all as humans have flaws and faults, in my eyes I see none in Dan. Granted we all have it, but, to me, in my eyes, I accept Dan for who he is, flaws and all, and heís done the same for me. Paul was never able to do that. He was never able to make me feel this happy. I feel so close to Dan, itís strange, but I like it. Something I never felt with Paul. Ironic isnít it? That it takes someone that makes you feel special to realize what you never really felt like for someone else. But, thatís ok, because right now, I feel happier now than Iíve ever felt before.

I'm a writer and I only write sporadically and well, lately, Dan has inspired me to write.

As I mentioned in a previous entry, Dan is my Angel in disguise.

I also have to say that I am so happy that my best friend Jenn and my boyfriend Dan like each other and get along. Unlike how it was with her and Paul. :o)

Much Love!

~V~


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