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It's time to be truly alone

2004-02-05 @ 11:02 p.m.

Recently I've been feeling this awkward type of loneliness. I think it's just because I really don't have very many friends out here anymore and no man in my life.

Although, it is kinda nice that I don't have to worry about "complications" that comes within a relationship. I can come home whenever I want, do whatever I want, etc. without all the hassle. But, I do miss the cuddling and someone laying next to me. But, I guess you could say that I'm getting used to it. I don't have problems meeting guys, but, I always seem to find a reason why I don't want to be with them. I guess I'm just still healing from the break up with Paul. It's one of those things where it just needs to take time.

I'm really beginning to feel that the reason that I have very few friends anymore is that obviously there is something about me that people don't like, but, hey, if they don't like me for me, oh well...right? This is who I am, take it or leave it. Apparently, people "leave it".

I went to the movies alone tonight and it was the 2nd time in my entire life that I ever went to a movie alone. The first time was when my x-husband Sean and I got in such a huge argument that I just had to leave the house, and well, I didn't know where I should go where he wouldn't find me and well, I hid in the movie theater.

I'm pretty much getting used to not being around anyone anymore. Yet, I feel like I'm slowly fading away and truly becoming a hermit. All I do anymore is work and sleep and go to my bowling league once a week. I guess it's just safer being alone. I don't have to be a headache to anyone, or piss anyone off or get on anyone's nerves.

My mom's right...I'm better off alone.

Much Love,