2003-12-16 @ 10:46 a.m.
In the next few days I have to get the strength to finally take down his pictures, remove his e-mail address from all my address books and place everything in a safe keeping place, and just have everything as a memory. It's almost 2 years that we have been apart and it's time that I let go...let go because things will never be back the way it was.
It's time to put him in my past and to finally say good-bye and to finally let my heart heal. Not hearing from him eats at me everyday, every single day that we have been apart it rips me apart. He and Holleigh mean the world to me, they were my family. And now, we no longer have that. It's been over a year now since I have seen Holleigh and it's been 9 months now since I last seen Paul. I still think of them everyday.
But, now, it's time, and I hope that I am ready for this. I so much want us to work things out, but, I know and I'm sure that Paul knows too that if we ever tried again, it may not work...although it may...but, I don't foresee that if we did get back together that it would work. I do still love him...I am still truly in love with him...but, it's time that I close this chapter in my life. I'm tired of crying myself to sleep every night and thinking about "what if" because that isn't going to get me anywhere.
It's time for my heart to heal and finally let someone in my life. I haven't let anyone in my life for the last two years...I may have gone on dates, but, I always seem to find a reason why they are not good enough, because they are not Paul.
Paul, if you ever do read this, please know that I do love you with all my heart and soul, forever.
I miss my bestfriend...
