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Beautiful Saturday

2003-07-26 @ 10:24 a.m.

Another day in the life of me....the first weekend since I met Kyle that we aren't spending together. Oh well. Life goes on I guess.

It's a beautiful day today and I think I'm going to go and take a dip in the pool and get some sun. Just soak up as much as I can and figure out what the hell I'm gonna do about this extra desk. Anyone need a desk? I told Jenn last night that we can just throw it over my balcony and it will fall to pieces (I live on the 2nd floor) and just dump it. I know that I can easily sell it...but, I want it out of my house today or tomorrow. It's in my way and is bothering me very much just sitting in my living room. I wonder if I can just take it apart, but, I doubt it. It's an actual office desk, solid wood and all. I don't want it anymore...ugh.

Well, I started thinking last night after a few drinks and some tequila that Monday will be new and fresh although I do hate Mondays but, just ugh, going to deal with everything over the weekend and start fresh on Monday.

My friend David wants to come by tomorrow evening but, I haven't decided on that. He only wants to come over for one thing-sex...but, I don't know...although it has been awhile, about 4 months to be exact and the last person was who else Paul. And then it was 3 months before that, and again-Paul. Not having sex as often really sux for me considering I have such a high sex drive...but, knowing me, I'll probably tell David no like I have many times before. I guess that there is just so much going on in my life (yeah, right lol) that I just don't want only a "friend w/benefits" anymore. We live in a world that sex only isn't safe but can be life threatening depending on whatever happens. I guess it's always been that way, and so I get leary. I've always been careful and tend to keep it that way. I guess the date with my hand is always the safest. LOL. The only person that I really want to be with right now is Kyle, but, apparently that's impossible right now. And the only other person would be Paul, but, with that situation, my heart just keeps breaking when it comes to him, so, it's best that I don't even go there anymore. Easier for me to keep my sanity with that

I do still love Paul very much with all my heart, don't get me wrong, and I always will. But, with Kyle, I was starting to fall in love with him, he helped me in so many ways and made me feel happy and secure with myself and comfortable with myself. He made a lot of the hurt that I felt about Paul to disappear and the healing begin. He showed me how to be happy, very happy. It was almost as if Paul was most definitly a memory. He accepted me for me, flaws and all and didn't make fun of my beliefs like Paul did. I will admit though, that if Paul walked back into my life again, I don't know what I would do or what would happen. If Kyle was still in the picture, most definitly I would want to be with Kyle. There's no doubt there at all. Like I said before Kyle is everything that I wanted in a man...Paul has a few traits that I wanted but not everything, and Kyle showed me that he has everything that I want just by being himself and the person that he is.

Anyway, I've probably sounded so pathetic in my last few, for's just living one day at a time.

Ciao for now babes....Blessed Be!!