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2004-02-16 @ 6:05 p.m.

My dearest Patrick! The love of my life...believe it or not. But, because he moved to Virginia for his job, we couldn't be together the way that we wanted. And currently, he and I are chatting online as I am writing this, and oh how I so much wish that he was here with me.

I so miss him dearly. I know I've never really mentioned Patrick in here before, and I think because he is one that I like to keep for myself in my heart. The first night we met things clicked and was great and then he had to move. He sang to me that first night we met and you could see in his eyes that night when he sang to me that he was so sincere. He sang Open Arms by Journey.

Patrick came long before Paul did. At least 1 1/2 years before Paul. He was there for me when Paul and I split up the first time, Patrick has always been there for me. We always kept in touch even when Paul and I were together. Not too long after Paul and I got back together that Patrick had to move out of state. Patrick has been gone now for almost 4 years now, but, we still keep in touch. And I'm sure that we will stay in touch for a very very long time.

There's so much that Patrick and I tell each other, and we have never had a problem being open and honest with each other, whether it be emotionally or intimately. All I can say is that my Mr. Right that I want is either Patrick himself, or someone very similar. But, deep down, I know that no one would ever be Patrick except Patrick himself.

On to other things, well, today was a very difficult day for me while working today. I made sure that I put my "do not disturb" sign at my desk, put my headphones on and just ran to another world while burying myself with work. Although, I did break down a few times, and unfortunately, it was noticeable to those around me. Everyone was surprised that I went to work today. But, what am I supposed to do? Sit at home and dwell? That just makes it harder.

Much Love!