input, textarea { background: #FFFFFF; font-family: verdana; font-size:8pt; color:#E20500; border-style: solid; border-color: red; text-transform:lowercase; border-width:1 }

2003-04-09 @ 7:16 p.m.

Well, after reading my last few entries, I've noticed that my mother is right that I'm boy crazy...I always have been. I guess that since I never really had the affection I wanted growing up so, I strive for it as an adult. **sigh**

Work was good today, busy, but good. I'm just in a kind of "wanting to be alone" mood today. Pretty much kept to myself all day today. Sometimes it confuses me why I get this way, but, this time, I know that I am just trying to find myself. I do know that I miss the affection and companion in my life, but, that isn't all that life has to offer. There's so much out there to explore...the question is where to start. I'm sure I'll figure it out someday.

I know one thing for sure about why I am feeling the way I am today. I really miss Holleigh. She's the daughter that I can never have. She means so much to me and PG won't let me see her. He did give me a recent picture of her, I can't believe how much she has grown! She'll be 6 in June, and I know that PG won't let me see her on her birthday. I miss her more today than anything. Maybe she's thinking about me. I had a dream about her last night, I haven't seen her since the end of August last year, and everytime I dream about her, she's always happy to see me. I always remember the look on her face when she saw me last, she was so excited, happy and shocked to see me! As I was to see her. I just really miss her so very very much. She fills a void in my heart, and not having her around anymore and not seeing her or hearing her voice just breaks my heart. I just can't stop thinking about her. I just love her so very much and miss her so much. She's the apple of my eye and the key to my heart.