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Questions??? Answers??? Mia--> Dumbass!!!

2003-07-20 @ 11:11 p.m.

You know when you feel that you want to say something to someone because they truly helped you and gave you the strength to get out of your depression and make you feel happy and all they had to do was be there and just happen to be the type of person that has everything in their personality as well as a wonderful person inside and out and how it's an amazing and truly wonderful feeling that they can make you feel a certain happiness that you've never experienced before...Have you ever felt that? Well, it's amazing that that is how I am feeling right now, have been for a couple of weeks now...***sigh*** Then you express it the best way that you can and then you feel like an ass because you spoke how you feel...well...I'm feeling that right now as well.

UGH!!! I wish that I could take back what I said and just kept it to myself. I'm a very open person and I like to express what I'm feeling when I'm feeling it...but, sometimes, I feel like I should have just kept it to myself due to certain reasons...mainly because when I do express my feelings or thoughts it tends to spook myself as well as who I am telling these things too. It's like I never learn to keep things to myself that should have just been kept for myself. But, I have a tendency of expressing my feelings and thoughts or my opinions, good or bad, in this case it was all good...but, do you really keep things to yourself when you are expressing a very deep thank you for the help that you didn't know could be cured? Or even thought that no one not even yourself can help you conquer your demons that haunt you and one day everything changed...Sometimes really makes me wonder if my mother is right that I am better off alone...that I don't deserve to be happy at all, and that is how I am feeling right now. Because I always have a tendency to express my thoughts, my feelings, my opinions and for some reason feeling that I probably shouldn't have expressed things to begin with.

Who knows....I sure the hell don't. But, it does explain why I push people away and not get close to anyone because of feeling hurt, or hurting the other person, or freaking them out or something. I don't know. All I can say is that only time will tell...soooo, we'll see.

Good night...Blessed Be!!!