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Dan lets me be me...

2004-06-19 @ 12:25 p.m.

My personal life has been crazy lately. My financial is slowly getting back to a balance just a little bit longer. Iím hoping that things will come out the way that Iím hoping. I normally do not cry in front of people or to people but last night I finally broke down again and Dan keeps reminding me it gets better from here and not to worry. For me that is really hard but Iím trying. Dan keeps reminding me that no matter how all this turn out good or bad, I donít have to worry. No matter what I have a home with him. And that he will be here for me forever.

Iím so glad that heís here for me because at this point, no one else is. Ironic isnít it? When someone needs you youíre there for him or her yet when you need someone they arenít there. It makes me wonder if thatís what itís all about anymore. But Dan has stuck with me through all of this, financially and emotionally. And what means the most to me is that heís there for me emotionally. If it werenít for Dan, I probably would have lost it totally by now. He is definitely my knight in shining armor.

Iím thinking that maybe this is the toughest test of our relationship and itís passing with flying colors. Unlike what I can say about Paul and all. Dan lets me be me. I couldnít be me around Paul. It means A LOT to me that Dan lets me be me and I let him be him.

So last night, I took a nice long hot bath trying to sort things out that I need to sort. At this point Iím just at a waiting process to find out what happens with my letter that I had to send that Linda asked me to send. So all I can do right now is what Dan says, LIVE my life. Donít worry about things for a while, since I canít do too much right now.

Dad calls me yesterday and yells at me but at least I know that he wonít ignore me. Yes, mom is still not talking to me; weíre at 2 months now. My aunt says that she knows that Mom is missing me and itís eating at her like it is with me just that her stubbornness is taking the best of her and to just be patient. I know that this is just how Mom is and all I can do is be patient with her. I have to admit that right now Iím afraid to call her right now to break the ice because where Iím at right now I donít think I canít handle her lectures right now. And I have to say, this reminds me why I moved away from family. Donít get me wrong, my family is very very important to me but I need support, not lectures. And I know that I will get lectures right now and I just canít handle all that right now while dealing with everything else that is going on with me right now.

Well, next Friday is both Dan and Holleighís birthday. For Holleighís birthday all I can do is send her an electronic birthday card and hope that Paul gives it to her, or lets her see it and for her to know that I still love her and miss her. I donít really think about Paul anymore or miss him. Iíve finally gotten over Paul and have shut that door. And as for Holleigh, I love her and I miss her but itís getting better day after day. My feelings for her will never change. Ever. Itís only taken me 3 years to get over Paul, and I guess itís true what they say is that it takes time. And it did. But I am much much happier being with Dan. He makes me happy, makes me laugh, and keeps me positive. And he takes care of me like I take care of him and weíre in love with each other. Weíre compatible. Itís awesome!

Well, I should get going, I have lots to do before meeting up with Dan in a couple of hours, weíre going out tonight for a nice relaxing evening of dinner and a movie and whatever else we decide to do. Then coming home and relaxing more and watch some DVDís and have some beers and well whatever else that comes to mind. No matter when weíre together and no matter what we do whatís nice is that its all quality time together and we have a good time. Blessed Be!!

Much Love~