~Victorianna�s_World~ . . . v. ~M e r r y M e e t

Dan lets me be me...
2004-06-19 @ 12:25 p.m.

My personal life has been crazy lately. My financial is slowly getting back to a balance just a little bit longer. I�m hoping that things will come out the way that I�m hoping. I normally do not cry in front of people or to people but last night I finally broke down again and Dan keeps reminding me it gets better from here and not to worry. For me that is really hard but I�m trying. Dan keeps reminding me that no matter how all this turn out good or bad, I don�t have to worry. No matter what I have a home with him. And that he will be here for me forever.

I�m so glad that he�s here for me because at this point, no one else is. Ironic isn�t it? When someone needs you you�re there for him or her yet when you need someone they aren�t there. It makes me wonder if that�s what it�s all about anymore. But Dan has stuck with me through all of this, financially and emotionally. And what means the most to me is that he�s there for me emotionally. If it weren�t for Dan, I probably would have lost it totally by now. He is definitely my knight in shining armor.

I�m thinking that maybe this is the toughest test of our relationship and it�s passing with flying colors. Unlike what I can say about Paul and all. Dan lets me be me. I couldn�t be me around Paul. It means A LOT to me that Dan lets me be me and I let him be him.

So last night, I took a nice long hot bath trying to sort things out that I need to sort. At this point I�m just at a waiting process to find out what happens with my letter that I had to send that Linda asked me to send. So all I can do right now is what Dan says, LIVE my life. Don�t worry about things for a while, since I can�t do too much right now.

Dad calls me yesterday and yells at me but at least I know that he won�t ignore me. Yes, mom is still not talking to me; we�re at 2 months now. My aunt says that she knows that Mom is missing me and it�s eating at her like it is with me just that her stubbornness is taking the best of her and to just be patient. I know that this is just how Mom is and all I can do is be patient with her. I have to admit that right now I�m afraid to call her right now to break the ice because where I�m at right now I don�t think I can�t handle her lectures right now. And I have to say, this reminds me why I moved away from family. Don�t get me wrong, my family is very very important to me but I need support, not lectures. And I know that I will get lectures right now and I just can�t handle all that right now while dealing with everything else that is going on with me right now.

Well, next Friday is both Dan and Holleigh�s birthday. For Holleigh�s birthday all I can do is send her an electronic birthday card and hope that Paul gives it to her, or lets her see it and for her to know that I still love her and miss her. I don�t really think about Paul anymore or miss him. I�ve finally gotten over Paul and have shut that door. And as for Holleigh, I love her and I miss her but it�s getting better day after day. My feelings for her will never change. Ever. It�s only taken me 3 years to get over Paul, and I guess it�s true what they say is that it takes time. And it did. But I am much much happier being with Dan. He makes me happy, makes me laugh, and keeps me positive. And he takes care of me like I take care of him and we�re in love with each other. We�re compatible. It�s awesome!

Well, I should get going, I have lots to do before meeting up with Dan in a couple of hours, we�re going out tonight for a nice relaxing evening of dinner and a movie and whatever else we decide to do. Then coming home and relaxing more and watch some DVD�s and have some beers and well whatever else that comes to mind. No matter when we�re together and no matter what we do what�s nice is that its all quality time together and we have a good time. Blessed Be!!

Much Love~

~V~